ambulance drivers

Body: AMBULANCE DRIVERS" must read!!!!
Body: Enjoy this one. Sooo damn true, too. FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!
FINALLY, SOMEONE TELLS WHAT WE TRUELY ARE! THANKS, CM

[Quote]

Recently I was on the ambulance and we made a call, and I heard a lady tell
the person she was on the phone with "OKAY I AM GOING NOW, THE
AMBULANCE DRIVERS ARE HERE."

STOP. For those of you who work in EMS or have anything to do with EMS,
you are going to appreciate this. For those of you who call "EMT's and
Paramedics" "AMBULANCE DRIVERS" please read this carefully and
completely. Now I was hoping this was going to be short and sweet, then as I
was driving, I kept thinking more and more what to put. So if you have to
read this in parts, but I want you to, if you have made it this far, to
completely read this post. Please do not notice my grammar erros, as I can
assure you, there will be many.

The whole idea of this post was to make people think of what "AMBULANCE
DRIVERS" really are and do.

1). AMBULANCE DRIVER = usually an EMT or EMT-I and Paramedic. Right...
What the F is that? EMT is EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN. EMT-I is
that same, but an INTERMEDIATE Level, and Paramedic is the highest level
of Emergency Medical Service provider certifiable.

2). EMS. EMS is not one word, it is E.M.S. Meaning Emergency Medical
Services. (Contrary to the common believe that it stands for Earn Money
Sleeping or Extra Marital Sex).

3). EMT's can perform BASIC LEVEL CARE, EMT-I's can perform a level
above that...start ivs, intubate people, give a few medications...and
PARAMEDICS are the ones that can do it all, ADVANCED LIFE SUPPORT.
Terminology lesson: Para=Before Medic=Doctor. Paramedic=BEFORE
DOCTOR.

* With that out of the way, the following is what the person you call
AMBULANCE DRIVER does on a daily basis.

4). That "AMBULANCE DRIVER" is they guy, or girl that can give you drugs,
through an IV started in your vein, that will stop your heart, yes thats right
STOP YOUR HEART. Hopefully it will restart in a better condition than before
we stopped it.

5). That "AMBULANCE DRIVER" is the person that will start that IV in your
arm, or neck, or hand, or leg, or bone...BONE? Oh yeah, that guy you know
as ambulance driver...they can take a device and put a needle in your bone
to use as a last resort "IV."

6). That ambulance driver is the guy that if you get in a wreck and receive a
pneumothorax (collapsed lung due to air build up)...that ambulance driver
can put a needle through your chest in the intercostal space of your ribs to
DECOMPRESS the pneumothorax allowing trapped air to escape.

7). That same person is the one, that if you or your child quits
breathing...can (using a "blade")put a tube in their throat and with skill, pass
it through their vocal cords and into their trachea creating a secure airway
and allowing another ambulance driver to breath for you using a BVM
connected to 100% o2.

8). Speaking of children, you know when your driving along and you see this
square thing come up behind you, and its making noise and has flashing
lights...and you dont want to pull over because you are running late for
work, or because some other ambulance cut you off and your pissed at all
ambulance drivers nation wide. WELL CONGRATULATIONS, thats the
ambulance enroute to your kids daycare because they got stung by a bee
that they were allergic to, and now their throat is closing up and they are no
longer able to breathe. Thats the ambulance that has medication, equipment,
and the trained people on board to stop and reverse the allergic reaction on
scene or on the way to the hospital that is 45 minutes away.

9). HEART TROUBLES? How about, NO HEART BEAT, DEAD, DRT (DEAD
RIGHT THERE)...that ambulance driver guy...thats the guy that can legally
shock you with up to 360 joules of electricity in attempt to start you heart
again. PS on this one...EVERYONE THAT GOES INTO CARDIAC ARREST
DOES NOT GET SHOCKED! So if we don't shock, dont think we don't know
what we are doing. Rescue 911 is over, thats the only place everyone gets
shocked. We are PARAMEDICS, not God (we have to get the walking on
water thing down, then we may talk about changing names)...um, Lord,
Forgive me, but we DON'T bring every dead person back to life.

10). Curious to know how we know what to shock? Okay. Ventricular
Fibrillation (V-Fib) is shocked, Pulseless Ventricular Tachycardia (V-Tach) is
shocked. That's it scooter. You only get 2 rhythms that get shocked, or
DEFIBRILATED. Rescue 911 didnt tell you that did they?

11). Oh, if your loved one is laying in the floor, clutching their chest saying
"IT HURTS" and you call the ambulance drivers to come load him up and
rush him to the hospital, think again, he is in Unstable V-Tach. Sounds bad
huh, dont worry, that ambulance driver came with more than an ambulance
and drivers license, they have their defibrilator with them, while he is
conscious just laying in the floor in an unstalbe rhythm, determined by the
paramedic, from the rhythm shown on the cardiac monitor, your loved one is
about to receive 50-100 joules. ELECTRICITY, known as CARDIOVERSION,
hopefully saying to the heart. "SLAP act right!" Maybe they will get a little
valium before hand, but probally not, especially if you called us an
ambulance driver.

12). OH, in case your the guy that has been beating the CRAP out of your 3
year old, becuase he is a 30 year old acting like a 3 year old, that ambulance
driver is the guy that will pick up on CHILD ABUSE and get your 3 year old
put in a better place. Little Johnny says: "SPANK AWAY DADDIO" cause he
knows that ambulance driver is just going to drive on over for "burns"
(because Little Johnny pulled hot boiling water off the stove and somehow
managed to burn the back of his legs) and knows whats REALLY going on
and get Little Johnny in a better home.

13). That Ambulance Driver is the one who knows how to drive safe in bad
weather. They have to come get you from your car, that is now upside down
through a house, and take you to the hospital, yep thats it, just drive you to
the hospital. NOT. You get the full meal deal, or FULLY PACKAGED. C-collar,
back board, head rolls, all that jazz plus a few straps snugged in here or
there. And because you were silly and werent wearing your seat belt you
were thrown from the side window and landed against a tree. Which is the
reason your bone is sticking out of your leg and you feel weak because you
have lost TONS of blood. Thats okay, we will just start 2 14 gauge IV's in you
maybe in your arm or neck or somewhere so we can get that fluid replaced...

14). Another thing, if you called those ambulance drivers because your mom
had a heart attack 3 years ago and shes showing the same symptoms now
like she did 3 years ago, don't be alarmed if your mom all of a sudden falls
and you see that ambulance driver check for a pulse then rare back and
punch the shit out of her right smack in the ticker. Thats okay, we are
trained professionals, we're are not beating up dead granny cause she died
on us, we are knocking the heart out of the fatal rhythm its in. She will be
breathing again and talking very soon. Bye.

** Enough of what we do...now I want you to take a few things into
consideration when you call those Ambulance Drivers Ambulance Drivers.***

1. We (Paramedics) went to school for about 2 years to get where we are.
Thats not bad right? Not until you consider that a Registered Nurse went to
school for the same amount of time, and in some places is making double
what a paramedic is. Thats understandable though, that NURSE is working
their ass off in the air conditioned ER. Never mind the Paramedic that makes
less than you is outside, in the rain, upside down in a vehicle holding c-spine
while his paramedic partner is on the other side, upside down, in the rain,
intubating the trapped patient because the Fire Department hasn't made it
there yet, and their pt isnt breathing. Understand Im not knocking
nurses...for crying out loud, they make almost twice as much as a paramedic
and have to put up with taking orders from a doctor. (PSST, the paramedic
you are calling an ambulance driver has to make split second decisions,
such as what drug he should give you, of the 60 + he knows by memory, or
what he can't give you because you are allergic to sulfa drugs, and nitrates).

2. In most cases, your average ambulance driver works 24 hrs on and 48 hrs
off. Sure we get to sleep. But at 3 in the morning when your drunk neighbor
decides to come in and play BANG BANG with you, we are the sleeping guy
that has to get woke up in the 2 minutes it takes to get to your house and be
able to act QUICKLY to keep you alive, all while trying to preserve the crime
scene.

3. Also, isn't it nice to sit down and eat a nice dinner with your family. And
you see those 2 ambulance drivers sitting next to you and you say to
yourself "wow, that must be nice, eating out and getting paid" Think again
turbo, hear that noise, thats not the dinner bell, thats dispatch paging them
out to a church bus rollover with 19 patients, I would like to point out its 7PM
and there is no food in front of them, oh and at lunch time, they were taking
Sue Ann to Shreveport because she is only 20 weeks pregnant and already
contracting.

4. If you see an ambulance coming up behind you, move over TO THE RIGHT
HAND SIDE..NO MATTER HOW MANY LANES OF TRAFFIC THERE ARE, they
could very well be going to a car wreck with your family in it. Or a football
game your son was playing until he was tackled and fractured his spine.

5. If you are passing a wreck scene and you see patients laid out all over the
ground...don't stop and look, and DEFINATELY dont keep driving and look at
the same time. One it is SUPER Rude and inhumane to stare at something
like that, and two, those 2 ambulance drivers cannot deal with you wrecking
because they are the only ambulance around for 20 miles, and already have
7 critical patients.

6. Go back and think about some of the things I said the ambulance drivers
can do, Intubated you (put a tube in your throat), give you drugs to stop
your heart, give you medicines to cause vaso dialation so your chest pain
eases, put a needle in your chest to relieve your pneumothorax...remember
those, take a wild guess at who else can do that to you...GIVE UP? Well its
not the milk truck driver, in fact, just about the ONLY other person that can
do a majority of a PARAMEDICS skills is a MEDICAL DOCTOR, yeah, thats it,
not a NURSE or Fireman. MEDICAL FREAKIN DOCTOR WITH 12 YEARS OF
SCHOOL!

7. Remember hearing on the news about that plane crash? Remember
everyone saying Thank your local fireman and policemen, DO THAT, but also
try and remember the PARAMEDICS and EMTS that were there also, keeping
the survivors alive.

8. Yes, support your troops, pray for our troops, all that...but don't forget
about the AMBULANCE DRIVERS that are just next door doing CPR on your
neighbor Bert.

9. If you are pregnant go to the Doctor. You do not want to be like
Shaqueesha was when she delivered her first baby in the back of an
ambulance, and Jeff "The Ambulance Driver "says to Randy "The
AMBULANCE DRIVER" PULL OVER NOW, she's having ANOTHER. Yeah,
little shaqueesha nor her baby's daddy knew she was having twins, because
she didnt go to the doctor. But happy ending... Dequarian and Ludacris
Sebastian Chow Chow Tay Tay are doing just fine.

10. If you are in walmart and see cashier Cathy have a seizure don't stick a
spoon in her mouth, i PROMISE she will not swallow her tongue. Disagree?
Ok. Swallow your tongue, yes do it now........Yeah LOOK HERE...YOU
CANNOT SWALLOW YOUR TONGUE! Oh, but when those ambulance drivers
show up, and they say EXCUSE ME...MOVE OUT OF THE F'ING WAY! We are
the freaking AMBULANCE DRIVERS, let us in.

11. If you are the person sitting here reading this thinking Wow, they can do
a lot, I could save money and just have those nice little ambulance drivers
come to my house, treat me and leave. WRONG. We do really drive
ambulances, and we all have one rule, if you call us you go, ABSOLUTELY
NEVER will we give you medicine or treatment on scene and leave.

12. Yes, I said we will take you to the hospital, but DO NOT call us because
your toe hurts, or you have an earache. GO TO THE DOCTOR IN THE
MORNING, but, If it is an emergency to you, don't wait till 3 am to call, do it
at a decent hour, and we will come pick you up, take you to the hospital,
drop you off, then cuss you and make fun of you for getting yourself a $800
bill all because you kicked the step to your trailer house and your toe hurts,
we understand you don't have a car to drive to the hospital because your
baby's daddy is in it working at Food Dog.

13. Remember, try not to piss your "Ambulance Driver" off, we don't have to
give you valium, morphine or any of that other stuff, it really is our decision.
Oh, and we are also the ones that decide what size IV to start, small size or
garden hose size. AND IF YOU EVER SPIT ON ME...you will get a oxygen
mask on your face with NO oxygen attatched, yeah, i dont get spit on and
you get that whole suffocation effect. Oh, is that you that fakes passing out?
We have ammonia stinky caps to fix that.

14. Try not to vomit in the presence of your ambulance driver, or in the
ambulance, cause if your ambulance driver is like me or some others, we will
puke too, that is what makes us sick, not brains splattered on us, but the
smell of your vomit, and it is vomit, not VOMIK.

15. Don't call 911 and try to talk in Ambulance talk, it does you no good to
tell us you need an ambulance code 3. We decide that tonto. not you.

16. If you call an ambulance and have big dogs, put them away. We do not
come in if there are big dogs barking at us. Also, another thing you can do,
CLEAN YOUR FLIPPING PIG STY. We cannot maneuver our stretcher in
through your tiny house to get 500 lb Bubba from the back room when you
have shit strolled everywhere.

17. If you call us and are really not sick, remember you are taking an
ambulance away from someone that really needs it, we are not going to stay
and talk and discuss if you are going, you are or you arent. If you are, your
walking to the ambulance, my back hurts, im not lifting you because you
have fever.

Okay, Im tired of this...im sure i could go on forever, but I dont want it to be
too long.

REMEMBER: We do drive ambualnces, but we do a little more.
Tell your AMBULANCE DRIVERS thank you every now and then, cause once
again, people going back and meeting people and saying thank you is only a
fairy tale from Rescue 911. It rarely happens.

Did you notice some of the terminology used? Yeah, your average UPS
driver doesnt know that.

If you ever have to call 911, do not be rude to the dispatcher, they are the
ones who tell the ambulance driver to go to you. Give them directions,
answer their questions, and everything will be okay. Yes, the questions get
annoying, but I promise you, that is not keeping an ambulance from coming
to you in a real life emergency, the dispatcher is not on the ambulance. Oh,
and DO NOT, EVER ask a 911 dispatcher if they can hold, you called 911, WE
DO NOT Hold! If you do that to me, I can PROMISE you I will hang up on
your rude ass. Another note on calling 911, most dispatch centers do not
have a EBONICS translator on duty, EVER. You need to speak slow and
clear. And my LORD, if someone is having a seizure, do not freak out, they
will stop in a few seconds and be ok. Know what else? if it was a real
seizure, im sure they pissed their self and maybe even a little poo...check it
out.

*DISCLAIMER: In no way am I trying to make AMBULANCE DRIVERS look like
heros, but I am indeed pointing out that it is, to some, a little insulting to be
called an Ambulance Driver. Try EMT or Paramedic. Nurses are cool, Rescue
911 is cool. Paramedics and EMT's will always be cooler.

Thank you for reading,

PS. If you are or are not affiliated with EMS, please re-post this, my goal in
this posting is to somehow reach out to the uneducated people that
AMBULANCE DRIVERS are more than Ambulance Drivers, dont abuse them.

and one last PS to everyone else.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS can legally cut your clothes off, shock you with
electricity, stop your heart with medicines, paralyze you and cease your
breathing with drugs. Dont piss us off, cause if you do, we are also the guys
that decide wether or not we want to administer morphine to you to ease the
pain of the fence post going through your thigh.

Ambulance Drivers also party often, its stress relief, so if you see one at a
party, do not expect them to help you if you fall down drunk, they are wasted
do you want them to help you? Ok, im sure they will

Regards,

Trevor C. Key

Trevor C. Key

NCEMT-I

Chief, WCU EMS